


The Journey

by LauraWrites



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-11-23 12:37:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11402550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraWrites/pseuds/LauraWrites
Summary: This is an alternate version of how Peter Quinn and Carrie Mathison respond once they see each other for the first time in over two years, during Homeland S5E4 Why Is This Night Different?





	1. A Long Time Coming Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first writing on this site. Not sure where I am going with it, but this particular episode always gave me so much heartburn. I remember WAITING for the moment Carrie and Quinn would react once they saw each other again, and I was left wanting. Seriously wanting. So here is my version, whether or not it makes any sense!
> 
> There will be multiple chapters. I just don't know how many it will take to satisfy me.

Carrie could barely move, because her hands were tied to the bed. They weren't tied too tight, and her feet were not tied at all, which she thought strange for a moment. She didn't dare open her eyes. She kept her breathing as even and calm as possible, as she used her other senses to help her figure out just where the fuck she was. She first smelled coffee, strong coffee brewing. She could also smell oil and gasoline, and what she thought was rubber from tires. Her best guess is she was in some kind of garage where vehicles were stored at some point. 

It was warm, almost stifling, or was that due to the fogginess she felt in her head and deep in her body? She had to have been drugged with something in order to get her out of the woods where she thought she shot the person sent to kill her. She wanted to open her eyes to hopefully get more answers, but she forced herself to again stay still and this time, listen. Carrie's sense of hearing was always acute, and she leaned on this skill to gauge the danger level. 

Carrie heard steady breathing, breathing that did not belong to her. A metal creaking sound came from behind her, and she could tell someone was shifting his weight on a chair or stool of some kind. Then footsteps...someone was definitely behind her, coming closer. The footsteps stopped and then started again, this time coming around the head of the bed and stopping again in front of her. 

By now her neck was screaming for attention, and her throat was bone dry. She felt herself start to shake from fear, but then an overwhelming rage overcame her. Whoever this was, he wanted to take her away from Franny and the normal life she tried so hard to create. It was all falling apart, but Carrie was never one to let things go. And right now was no different, this fucker would soon find out.

As Carrie sensed the person hovering over her, she simultaneously opened her eyes, screaming, and swept her legs off the bed and into the legs of the man who wanted to kill her. She miscalculated, and the tall man crashed down on top of her. He gave a short grunt of surprise.

"Fuck me," the man muttered.

Immediately, Carrie froze and really LOOKED at the man on top of her. She saw icy blue eyes staring back at her, that quickly flashed a sadness before being replaced with a blank stare. It was Peter Quinn. On top of her, his weight and all the emotions she kept locked up for the past two years, crushing her. She was looking at him, wide-eyed, with big tears welling up, and now spilling out over the sides of her temples into her matted hair. Damn her inability to hide her feelings from this man! This time, she couldn't stop trembling, all over. All the fight left her body, and she finally opened her mouth to speak.

"Quinn..." Carrie's mouth refused to stop shaking. "Please...what's going on?"

It was Quinn's turn to be speechless, but he wasn't one for words anyway. He was acutely aware of how his hip bones were pressed into Carrie's body. He was able to keep his eyes emotionless for the moment, but his face was flushed, and he couldn't stop what was happening to the rest of his body. If he didn't lift himself off of her soon, Carrie would be able to feel it, too. 

Quinn let out a quiet sigh and rolled off of Carrie, onto the side of the bed. He ran a hand back and forth over his head and hesitantly licked his lips. He turned to look at Carrie and noticed her tears had dried, and now her brow was furrowed. Quinn knew Carrie better than almost anyone else. He knew she was wracking her brain, trying to figure out why he was suddenly in the picture. While he knew what both he and Carrie had been doing for the past two and a half years, he suspected she had no idea about Syria or the kill box operation with Saul. It was time to bring her up to speed as quickly as possible and get her the fuck out of Berlin, to somewhere safe.


	2. The Debrief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this Chapter, Quinn and Carrie need to brief each other on what they know, so they can move on to addressing the elephant in the room - how they left things with each other during Homeland S4E12 Long Time Coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still an alternate version of how Peter Quinn and Carrie Mathieson respond once they see each other for the first time in over two years, during Homeland S5E4 Why Is This Night Different?

Carrie began to lose her patience. She wanted to know what the fuck was going on, and NOW. Before she could open her mouth again, Quinn literally sprang off the bed and grabbed a knife off a table spread with fruits and nuts. Her breath momentarily caught in her throat, but she knew in her heart that Quinn was her protector and not her killer. So the look she gave him said, "Let's get this fucking show on the road." She needed to figure out the score, and then she was going to make him talk. She let Quinn get away from her once, and she wasn't going to make that mistake again.

Quinn moved closer to Carrie, and separated her hands, so he could cut the zip tie with his knife without hurting her. As soon as Carrie's hands were free, she rushed towards him. Quinn panicked, stepping aside, and straightening his arms out to keep his distance. He lowered his head and shook it. He couldn't handle this right now. He wasn't expecting to ever see Carrie again, much less under circumstances where he was ordered to kill her. The past two and a half years in Syria had taken their toll on his heart and mind. As much as possible, he cut himself off from society at large and entertained no relationships whatsoever, no matter how small or meaningless.

"Carrie, your name was put in a kill box, MY kill box. Saul wants you dead, and..."

"Wait, what, Saul? That’s not possible. I know Saul hates me right now, but I can't believe he wants me dead." Carrie was incredulous. Her relationship with Saul was like a roller coaster ride, but in the end, she always knew she could count on Saul.

"Carrie, Saul put your name in my kill box. I got the assignment two days ago, and I tracked you down through Jonas' ex-wife."

Carrie’s eyes opened wider. ”So, you're the one that kidnapped Jonas' son?!?! Jesus, Quinn!” More pieces started to fall together for Carrie, but still more were missing. She had a problem to solve, and the problem was someone wanted her dead. She would never believe that someone was Saul.

"Listen, you need to be dead. You will never be safe. Franny will never be safe. Unless you are dead."

"Quinn, I can't believe..." Carrie frowned and looked around, trying to fit everything she knew on her mental cork board.

"Carrie, shut the hell up and do as I say for a change,” Quinn growled. He was losing HIS patience. His main priority was to get Carrie to safety and then track down Saul on his own. He grabbed the knife again, heating the blade before slicing his hand. His face gave no indication of any pain. He simply moved towards Carrie with deliberation, and firmly gripped the back of her head with one hand. Carrie lifted her eyes up to his, trusting, but still frustrated with the lack of answers. Quinn leaned closer, taking short, shallow breaths, while wiping the blood from his cut hand slowly onto her cheek and chin, lingering on her throat. He wiped the remaining amount of his blood on her right arm. His mouth was so close to hers. He wanted to cover it with his and forget about what was happening, but there was a mission he needed to complete. And she had obviously moved on with someone else.

Quinn released her from his hold and cleaned off his cut hand quickly and efficiently. "Time to play fucking dead, Carrie." Quinn’s voice was low and rough. He took Carrie's arm and led her to a corner of the warehouse. "Let's go, Carrie. We don't have much time."

Carrie let her instincts take over and huddled herself into the corner, forcing her body to become slack. Once Quinn took the picture, she again tried to approach him with more questions. 

"Quinn, tell me how the kill box operation works. I need to know."

"Carrie, all you need to know is you are safer as a dead person. Time to record the video," Quinn said impatiently.

"Fuck that," Carrie exploded. She was all out of fucks to give about Quinn's demands. "I'm not doing another fucking thing until you explain this operation!"

"Okay, Carrie," Quinn tersely replied. "Saul puts a name, phone, and instructions inside a locked post office box. I take care of the person and return proof of death in the box. And then I move on to the next one."

"Who else knows about this operation? Dar? The Germans? Is this off book?" Carrie's questions were rapid fire, as usual, but Quinn always kept Carrie's pace easily. It's one of the reasons they worked so well together, or at least, used to work so well together.

“Off book. Only Saul, Carrie.”

“Take me to the location. Take me there, with you, when you drop off proof that I’m dead,” Carrie demanded.

Quinn’s eyes flew open in anger, and he gritted his teeth. “No fucking way.” He spat the words at Carrie.

Carrie squared up at Quinn and said, “You WILL take me. You can’t expect me to disappear forever, give up my daughter, and also believe one of the people I trust most in this world wants me dead!” Quinn remained silent, staring holes into Carrie.

“Quinn, it makes NO SENSE that Saul would have YOU of all people, kill me. He and I both know you would never do that. It can’t be Saul. I won’t believe it until I see it.” Carrie implored Quinn with her eyes. Eyes that made him do whatever she wanted. Again, Quinn remained silent.

“Quinn, if I'm right, then someone else put my name in that kill box, and your operation with Saul is compromised. You can't trust any name you receive from this point forward." Carrie paused once again. "I’ll do the video, okay? I’ll do the video. And after you take me to the location, I promise I’ll execute my back up plan…and leave.” Carrie faltered on the last words. It hurt too much to think of leaving Franny and now Quinn, after finding him again.

Quinn let out a long sigh. “Alright, Carrie.”

Quinn set up the camera on another table. Carrie sat facing the camera, while he sat on the other side, watching her intently. He knew she could pull this off, and her life depended on it. 

Carrie pressed record and looked at the camera for a few seconds before she began. 

“Franny. I’m trying SO hard to…” Quinn angrily paused the camera.

“Stop, Carrie. Needs to be past tense, as in, you tried. You’re dead, remember. Get it right,” Quinn added harshly.

Carrie stared at Quinn, feeling his coldness. How was she ever going to get through to him? She blinked away her thoughts and tried to concentrate on making a believable goodbye video.

“Franny. I’m not sure how old you are when you find this video. I’m not even sure if you’ll recognize me, but I’m your Mom.” Carrie’s voice started to break, and she looked away from the camera. Carrie forced herself to look back. And at that moment, in Carrie’s eyes, Quinn could see this unbelievable love pouring out for her daughter. He felt his chest tighten, as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair and averted his own eyes.

“Franny. I loved you. I never, ever wanted to leave you. I hope you do not think I abandoned you, because I knew what that felt like. And I never wanted you to feel that kind of pain. You might even hate me by now, and if you do, that’s okay. I would understand.” Carrie paused and took a deep breath.

“My work was always dangerous, and that didn’t become as much of an issue for me until you came along.” Now Carrie was smiling, and Quinn couldn’t look away from the mixture of pure love and grief he was witnessing.

“When you came into my life, it was the most wonderful thing that could have happened to me. You are the only good thing, the very best thing, that I have ever done,” Carrie emphasized.

“I have done bad things and hurt many people. I regret all of that, but most of all, I regret ever having hurt you, my sweet girl. I hope you’ll forgive me, and I hope you never forget how much I loved you.”

Carrie’s face was covered in tears, and she was still staring into the camera when Quinn turned it off. He thought she was lost in a trance when she turned to him and softly said, “Now, time to discuss our unfinished business.”


	3. Unfinished Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this Chapter, Carrie wants to address the unfinished business from Homeland S4E12 Long Time Coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still an alternate version of how Peter Quinn and Carrie Mathieson respond once they see each other for the first time in over two years, during Homeland S5E4 Why Is This Night Different?

Quinn eyed Carrie warily. "That wasn't the plan, Carrie. We're supposed to be on our way to the kill box to drop off proof of your death."

Carrie knew Quinn was going to do everything in his power to avoid this conversation, but she was determined to have it. Normally, she would just plow ahead with her demands, with no care for the carnage she left in her wake. She decided to switch up her tactics now, hoping Quinn would let his guard down and soften a bit.

"I know, Quinn," Carrie began. "What's your average turn around time?"

Quinn looked confused, sure Carrie was trying to pull a fast one on him. "What do you mean?"

"At what point would Saul, or whomever put my name in that box, be expecting you?"

A-ha, that's what Carrie wanted. She wanted more time, but time for what, Quinn wondered? He didn't like being in this space with her, just the two of them. After he witnessed her heartbreaking video to Franny, he could feel something shifting in the pit of his stomach. The sooner he got Carrie out of there, the better...for them both.

"From assignment to execution, it's three, four days max."

Carrie chose her next words carefully. "It's only been two days, Quinn. We have at least another 24 hours before 'they' get suspicious."

Quinn's jaw was flexing on and off, and his long arms were folded tightly across his chest. It was Quinn's usual, uninviting, don't fuck with me, stance. Carrie recognized she was on thin ice, so she moved slowly towards him. This time, he did not move away, or side-step her, so she considered this a small victory. She stopped until she was close enough to feel his breath on her face. Her heart was pounding hard and fast again, as she turned her eyes up to meet his.

Quinn took a deep swallow and met Carrie's gaze. What was different about her? She was still the same Carrie, no doubt. But the look in her eyes was missing something he always saw in the past, a wall...except for that night after her father's funeral. That night, Quinn saw Carrie let her wall down briefly when they kissed, leaning against his truck. The wall came back up so fast, he almost thought he imagined the whole thing. And right now, she had that same look when they kissed - no wall and no barriers. 

Carrie took a deep breath, closing her eyes, and re-opened them to focus on Quinn's face. "It wasn't a 'no', Quinn," Carrie whispered. She paused for a second, choking on her next sentence. "It was a yes."

Quinn's eyes darkened to a deeper blue, as he raised his eyebrows in surprise. His heart was skipping beats like a pacemaker gone haywire. "Then how the hell do you explain Jonas," Quinn barked. "I guess he got a 'yes' right away, didn't he?" 

That stung, even though Carrie fully expected it. "Quinn, I looked for you for over two years. Everywhere I went, I looked for you. Dar refused to tell me anything, other than you left for Syria, with no return plans, done with me for good. I moved to Berlin with Franny, got a new job, and only moved in with Jonas barely a month ago."

Carrie's eyes were twice their size, full of tears. She couldn't hold them back anymore. Whether he wanted her or not, she was going to lay all her cards on the table and show him her full hand. She didn't know how much time they had left together, so it was now or never.

"Why did you abandon me, Quinn," Carried cried out. "I've been abandoned by my mother, by friends and lovers, who couldn't handle my condition. They didn't understand and didn't want to understand. I thought you were different, but when I called you back only two hours later, you were gone. Was I not even worth waiting for those two hours? I waited for you for over TWO YEARS!" Carrie's eyes darted away in pain and back again to face whatever Quinn was going to throw her way next. 

More silence, so Carrie wiped her tears and continued. "Do you know what my Mom told me? Why she left my Dad? It wasn't because he was bi-polar. Remember that half-brother I discovered? She left because she was a serial cheater who got pregnant, and then she abandoned her husband and kids to go raise another kid." Carrie could feel her anger return as she remembered that day. "All this time I thought I could never be with anyone, that it would never work because I'm too damaged. I lived my whole life up to that point believing, in the end, I could only ever fuck things up." Carrie stopped to take a breath. She was speaking so fast, trying to make sure she said everything she had to say before Quinn cut her off.

Carrie decided to take another chance. She raised her shaky hands and reached up for Quinn's face. When he didn't resist, she brought it closer to hers. "I called to tell you 'yes', Quinn. And I'm telling you right here, right now, it's still 'yes'," Carrie whispered softly, searching Quinn's eyes for a response.

Quinn wasted no more time. He pulled Carrie against him so hard, he knocked the wind out of her a little. His mouth was on hers, his tongue tracing her lips and diving deeper into her. His hands were in her hair, on her neck, and down her back. Carrie snaked her hands down Quinn's chest to unbutton his navy shirt. His skin was smooth, and he smelled like a mixture of sweat and pine cones. Carrie broke her mouth away from his to trail soft kisses along his chiseled cheeks and chin line. Quinn hardened against her and released a low moan, as Carrie continued exploring his neck and chest with her mouth and tongue.

Before her mouth reached his waist, Quinn pulled Carrie against him and swung her around, now carrying her to the small bed. There wasn't much room for both their bodies, but this didn't deter them. Nothing would at this point, because neither one knew what would happen once they walked out of that warehouse tomorrow. Quinn proceeded to strip off Carrie's clothes, his eyes never leaving hers. He needed to make sure this was for real, and the wall was truly gone. Quinn gazed at Carrie from head to toe, marveling at her pale, soft skin. He noticed she was shivering, so he quickly shed the rest of his clothes and laid on top of her again. This time, he stayed where he was, letting the heat between their bodies grow and spread, until he knew she could feel how aroused he was. 

Carrie was often the aggressor during sex, but this time, this first time with Quinn, she could tell Quinn was taking command of the pace, their movements. And she let him. She sighed and let Quinn use his hands, fingers, and mouth to express to her everything he could never say. Carrie was honestly surprised at Quinn's tenderness and thorough attention to her pleasure. She always anticipated the sex would be immediate, hot and angry, but she felt Quinn watching and assessing her every step of the way, almost as if to make sure she didn't change her mind. But there was no changing her mind. She had waited for over two years to find Quinn, and the thought of him disappearing again made her cry.

Quinn became worried at the sight of Carrie's tears and stopped stroking her breast for a moment. "Carrie...are you alright? Am I hurting you? Do you still want to do this," Quinn choked out the words. Carrie grabbed Quinn's face in her hands and murmured, "I want this. I want you." She rolled over on top of Quinn and slid her mouth down his body. Quinn didn't stop her this time. He arched his back and moaned in ecstasy as she took him inside her mouth. Carrie took her time exploring this part of Quinn, while Quinn kept his hands tangled in her hair. As Quinn felt the pressure building to an almost unbearable level, he groaned, "Carrie..." and lifted her body on top of his. He was inside her, and they were moving together slowly and then faster until they both felt multiple explosions rip through their bodies.

Carrie could barely catch any air in her lungs, and she could feel Quinn's hot breath all over her face. She kept her eyes open as she kissed him with a full, open mouth. He smoothed back Carrie's hair, off her sweaty face, and in the process dropped a few beads of his own sweat on her face. They both chuckled at the unexpected, yet intimate moment. Quinn licked more sweat off Carrie's jawline, and started thrusting his hips against Carrie again. Carrie could feel he was still hard inside her, so she shifted her pelvis up, wrapping her legs around him. Their bodies were a perfect fit, making the pleasure so exquisite as they climaxed again. 

They both relaxed, wrapped in each other's arms. Quinn's breathing slowed, and Carrie stole a look at his face. His eyes were closed, and he had such a relaxed and content expression. It almost broke her heart to think of not seeing that look every day. Carrie's eyes grew heavy, and she started to drift off to sleep. She awoke with a start, a sudden terror and sense of foreboding enveloping her. She wanted to believe they could make this work, but she was terrified she would lose him again, and for good next time. Carrie buried her head into Quinn's chest, hiding her tears from him.


	4. Goodbye, Jonas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Carrie has says goodbye to Jonas before executing her back up plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to write Jonas out of the story, cause we don't really need him anymore...or do we?

When Carrie awakes, the bed feels cold, but she inhales the same pungent coffee smell again. She rolls over and sees Quinn watching her from his stool. He's hard to read, as usual, but his eyes aren't icy anymore.

"Want some coffee," Quinn asks. He's not sure how to approach Carrie after last night. He still has a mission to complete, and that means getting Carrie to safety as soon as possible. It also means leaving her again, and he feels a tightness in his chest when he lingers on the thought too long.

"Sure," Carrie replies, her voice sounding scratchy and rough. Carrie clears her throat, feeling a bit raw, but in a very good way. She could still smell Quinn on her, and she felt her body awaken again. She wished they had more time. There was never enough time. And then there always seemed to be bad timing.

Carrie rose from the bed and walked towards Quinn, who was still sitting perched on the stool. She kissed him lazily and then hungrily, this time taking control of his head with her hands and using her leverage while standing to dip his head back and dive into him. Quinn's massive hands came up around her ass, cupping each cheek and squeezing, pulling her closer into his opened legs. As he shifted his pelvis to rub against her crotch, Carrie's phone rang. They both stopped, staring at Carrie's phone on the table. The real world was calling them back in the form of Jonas, his name popping up on Carrie's burner phone. 

Quinn saw the name on the phone, and his face froze. He slipped out of Carrie's hands and busied himself with the coffee, before he walked off to another corner of the warehouse, giving Carrie some privacy.

"Jonas," Carrie answered the phone. 

"Carrie, what the hell? I've been trying to reach you! I went back to the safe house, and you were gone. Where are you," Jonas practically yelled into the phone.

"Jonas, I am in a safe place right now. A friend rescued me." Carrie chuckled internally at that last statement. 

Jonas was not amused. "What do you mean "rescued" and what friend are you talking about?"

"Jonas, he's a friend from the agency. I trust him. I can't go into details, but he learned I was in danger, and he came to..." Carrie's voice trailed off, thinking of how Quinn always had her back. He was always there to save her. Her throat tightened, and she realized she probably didn't deserve him, his loyalty, or devotion. Clearing her throat, Carrie continued, "...make sure I got out of the country safely."

"So, you're leaving," Jonas asked uncertainly. "Why can't we just go to the police like I wanted to in the first place?" Carrie could tell Jonas still did not understand, would never understand, what she was up against. How could he? He was a nice guy, a play-by-the-book lawyer, who kept everything on the up and up. 

"Jonas, I already explained. No, I cannot go to the police. I do not know who wants to kill me, or how deep this goes." Carrie paused for a minute. "Look, this isn't fair to you. I know I've already lied to you and hurt you. I'm so sorry for what happened to your son. He is safe now?"

"Yes, we found him tied up, unharmed in some stolen van right outside my ex-wife's house. We still don't know who kidnapped him or why," Jonas answered. 

"I'm glad to hear that, Jonas. Again, I'm so sorry. I know he was kidnapped because of me. And I understand you need to choose your son. You need to choose a normal life. I tried to have that with you and Franny, but it just didn't work out like I planned. I have to go, Jonas," Carrie said quietly.

Jonas was done fighting. He was too tired and, and although he loved Carrie, relieved. "Goodbye, Carrie," Jonas said before hanging up the phone.

Carrie sighed and sat down on the bed. She never meant to hurt Jonas, just like she never meant to hurt so many people in her life. She started to feel that shame and self-hatred that always sent her into a bad spell, when she remembered she needed to take her meds. Luckily, she always kept some capsules stowed away in her pockets. She took one now, grabbing a cup of coffee on her way to find Quinn.

"I told Jonas I was sorry for what happened to his son, and that I was leaving. He was worried about me and wanted to make sure I was okay," Carrie explained.

Quinn smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You don't answer to me, Carrie. Last night didn't change that."

Carrie opened her mouth to tell Quinn that no, a lot changed because of last night, but Quinn cut her off. "Time to execute the backup plan, Carrie. You promised, and I'm not letting you out of it."

Quinn's mouth was set in a thin line. Carrie knew he meant business, but she meant business, too. "And you said you would take me to the drop location. I'm not letting you out of that, either." Carrie was still her same, stubborn self, like a dog with a bone. She was still determined to get more answers before running off as her alias, Martha Boatman.

"Alright," Quinn countered. "First things first...let's retrieve your backup plan. Where is it?"


End file.
